A glimps of our struggles.

Well hopefully you all don't go into blog overload, but I have more to share. :) One of the many questions I get is, "How are things going?". We have 14 more days before we leave and things have started to get a little unsettled. 

Shane's last day at his job was on Friday. It is the strangest feeling. Shane said he has been working since he was 16 years old and this is the first time he has been without employment. I am not a man, but I can tell that this is making a huge impact on him. Its a new element of trusting our family to God.

Austin has started to share with me the nervousness he feels about the move to Haiti. He isn't able to articulate what he's nervous about, but its there. He loves homeschooling, and yet misses his friends. I know that this is probably just the beginning of that miss.

Sierra is the only one of our children that has been to Haiti so a huge part of her is excited to go and see her Haitian friends again. However, her very best friend is Cara, her cousin, and she has already started to mourn the loss of that weekly friendship. Another piece is our little dog, Zoe. We are living in my in-laws house and they have agreed to watch our little 4lb Yorkie while we are in Haiti. We are trying to make her transition easier so while we live here, Zoe is living as if we aren't (ie sleeping with Grandma and getting most of her love from Grandma). This is pretty hard on my Sierra as Zoe's loyalty begins to shift to Grandma.

Landen is our biggest worrier. This is a trait he was born with. His list is long but some of the things he is worried about are; losing his favorite blanket, learning how to speak Creole, being kidnapped, & missing his favorite food like PBHoney. Needless to say, there are a lot of unexplained tears and irratianal behaviors among the kiddos (since we are being honest its happening with the parents too).

Me...well I am eating too much as this is one way I cope with severe stress. I am also a little shorter on patience than I would like to be. Do missionaries say, 'shut up'? Unfortunately, I know from personal experience that they do. Moving, homeschooling, and preparing to move to our family to Haiti is a lot to think about, a lot to plan. We are closing our 'normal' life and preparing to begin something completely different. Yes we are thinking about ways to keep 'normal' even in Haiti, and its not the same. We are already saying goodbye to; playdates, driving to a restaurant on a whim, family and friend get togethers, weekend trips, EBC, karate, fishing, our favorite bed, my espresso machine. This list makes me cringe just a little in how it reveals selfishness. Its the truth and yet I would love to say this process of following God's call is easy. But its not. 

Sometimes when our family is a little unraveled, I am overwhelmed with how unqualified our family is. I had always thought missionary families where more put together- now I know they aren't. They are normal, broken, forgiven humans. My family and I are VERY human. I think God does this on purpose. 

Psalm 115:1

"Not to us, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness" 

So, I ask for grace. Lots of it. We are raw and pretty energetic so our flaws are out there for all to see. 

And...God is still choosing to use us. So we cling to His grace and know that He is always faithful. We choose to trust Him completely. 

Psalm 43:8

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning for I am trusting you. 
Show me where to walk for I give myself to you". 

Our Whirlwind month!

Well, we made it through the month of August! We went to Haiti twice, put our house up for rent, packed up a home we have been in for 10 years, planned homeschooling, began closing out my job and our volunteer rolls, and managed to squeeze in some family time together.

As I was packing I struggled with what things to get rid of and what to keep in storage for the next two years. The kitchen is the worst! Many of the items I use daily, but there are some that only get used 2x a month. Is it even worth having if it is only used 2 times a month? I have the space so my decision has often been yes. But I’m moving to Haiti and won’t need any of this stuff. I’m struggling with disgust at myself and my ‘needs’ in this American life. And the word ‘disgust’ shows me that this may be a different problem than just stuff.

I think of how long it takes for those living in Haiti to do EVERYTHING. Everything in the kitchen is done from scratch. Cooking a dinner starts at 2 so it can be ready by 5. There are no gadgets for peeling and cutting garlic (one of my favorite gadgets) and just to prepare chicken to cook is at least a 4 step and 45 minute process.

I realize that my stuff isn’t the enemy. My stuff frees up my time so that I can think about things other than survival. My stuff allows me time to serve in Haiti. The problem is how much time I spend thinking, taking care of, and spending my resources on that stuff that is the problem. As usual, it’s a heart issue.

We are currently living in my in-laws basement, practicing homeschooling, and saying our ‘good-bye’s’ to our friends and family, and fundraising. What a weird (adventurous) life we have right now. The greatest thing about having moved is that we have ended our familiar life and have already begun the transition to becoming missionaries. Only 20 more days! 

We still need funding. We trust God with all of our hearts and minds and we know he will come through. We also know that it takes people acting to make His will happen. We still need 2 @ $100, 8 @ $40, and 15 @ $20. Will you join us?