Haiti revisited...just a little more authentic

I look at that last blog post and its all true. But I think there needs to be a little more authenticity.

I didn’t want to go back to Haiti. In fact, three days before I was supposed to leave I began to have nightmares, my stomach started to act up and I kept breaking down in tears. At 10pm, the night before my 6 am departure, I was still not packed and was debating calling the entire thing off.

Why? I think there are a ton of reasons. One is that we are still not settled into this American life. We are still struggling to figure out our place and our new normal. Another is that you have to put on a layer of protection to go to Haiti; emotional and physical. There are horrifyingly sad things happening there daily and when I go back I will be seeing them face to face again. There is an element of danger in Haiti and this comes with the need to be vigilant and aware of my surroundings. I have enjoyed being able to let my guard down and just be while living in America.

But, I did go back. The very first night we had no power at the house I was staying in. It was probably 92 degrees (at least) in the bedroom and the homes are situated so closely together that almost no breeze passes through. It. Was. Miserable. I enjoy the heat,  and yet Haiti’s lack of options that makes hard. Its just hot. All. The. Time. Relief comes only when traveling by car.

Then it was like I was home. Only Haiti isn’t my home and never really was. Yet I can be comfortable there. I know how to speak the language, I can travel by moto, I have friends that I get ot visit (Haitian and American), I know how to buy my food. It was ‘home’ for almost 5 years. So I worked with Bob and Daphne, we did our Elevate stuff and visits and it was good.

At the same time, the sadness of some of the families’ situations hit harder than it did when I lived there. I am no longer bombarded with the sadness and injustices on a daily basis. Its almost like I wasn’t able to put the wall up completely or my capacity to absorb the sadness was greater so it got a little deeper. Its really the cost of caring. I’m glad that I have a deeper capacity now to feel it and be present. I know that it was one of the reasons that leaving Haiti was right for us. The sadness and hard things that are all around you in Haiti started to make me feel a little numb. It was necessary for survival, yet I didn’t and don’t like it.

A week later, I boarded the plane and headed back to the land of cheese, airconditioners and mostly good drivers. Back to our one room in my brother’s basement. I am grateful and teary at the same time.

Haiti revisited

Its been 2 1/2 months since we moved back to America. Our life is still in quite a bit of transition as Shane works to find a job, I deal with the mountains of paperwork for the kids (and my) school next year and my clinicals and our kids still desire to have a solid group of friends. Our cars have both managed to need pretty big repairs and sometimes it feels like we brought our Haiti vehicle issues with us. Yet, overall things are pretty great.

I have weekly hour-long phone calls with Bob and Daphne about Elevate, our micro-loan program. We talk about payments they have received, how the families are doing, who needs some additional encouragement or help, school sponsorships, and Ti-Elevate (our kids program). 

Last week, it was time to go to Haiti and visit face to face. Our first order of business was the accounting piece. We went throug all of the books to make sure that their numbers matched up with mine and there were 3 errors...all of them mine. This is a huge win! I am so hopeful and excited about how seriously they have taken this part of Elevate. 

Together we identified who needed to receive a new loan, visited 4 different potential new Elevate micro-loan recipients, took pics of the kids that will be sponsored for school and visited some of their businesses to verify their purchases and that they are continuing to sell. It was hot, sweaty, dusty, and thirsty business. I took a moto most places in our little area (not my favorite thing to do but it was easier and way cheaper). We walked about a billion miles...maybe not a billion but in Haiti heat it feels like it. Bob and Daphne each had lunch made for us at their homes. We sat together and laughed together and enjoyed being in the same room breathing the same air. 

After this week I believe that Elevate will be able to continue. 

I believe that the work Elevate and Bob and Daphne are doing is valuable and right. We had another one of our recipients accept Jesus as her savior. This is the reasons we are doing this job. To show Jesus’ love to them. To keep families together. To empower them to be able to take care of themselves. To show that there is hope. 

Our job isn’t done yet!