In fact, I have never understood why some people think it necessary to take a break from life. To go and be somewhere where people are serving you. I have always felt that my vacation times are better spent serving others, which is why I used my vacation time to lead trips to Haiti. I loved it and had the reserve. This thought process has changed since moving to Haiti.
We are blessed with the opportunity to serve each and every day, all day. It is amazingly rewarding and incredibly exhausting. The culture is different, our support system is not readily available, and life here is constant. So, the other day I was feeling sorry for myself. I was thinking how exhausted I am and how I just wished that someone would feed into me for a while. I was thinking about how much I needed someone to reach out to fill me. Now I know from experience that when I am like this, whiny, I need to go and take a break, pray, and figure out what I need. Because this path is one of destruction. I am called to serve, but the balance is tricky.
So I took a break and I began to whine to God...because I know he can handle my truths. I told him how sad I was and how I felt alone. I told him that I wanted someone to choose to fill me. I told him I was tired to the point of exhaustion and I knew that if I didn't get filled, I could not make it long term in Haiti. As I was whining to God, I felt a shift in my spirit. I felt God's truths fill my mind. He was always here for me and always present. Always. I didn't need anything but Him.
As I sat there and absorbed the truth of that, He brought to mind other ways He has been helping me be filled. There is a woman, I won't use her name because I don't want to embarass her, who has been sending me weekly FB messages with a verse and words of encouragement. She has also been asking me, "What has God taught you this week? How can I pray for you this week?" Everytime she sends me one, I have felt surprised and cared for in a way that I can't explain. Her initiative in sending out these messages has literally been an answer to prayer that I didn't even realize I had yet.
It was as if God was saying, "I am here and I know you also need community and I am sending you the kind of support you need. It doesn't look like you thought it should which is why you missed it. But I am taking care of you."
Once God opened my eyes to see this, I realized that actually, there have been quite a few people that have reached out and been a part of refilling me through prayer, encouragement, and just loving me for who I am. I had been allowing my emotions to blind me to all the love that we are surrounded with.
The lesson I learned:
1. Keep bringing your true emotions to God so he can help you process through them.
2. God is always faithful and is already answering your needs, you just need to look at things differently. 3. It is important as a Christian to take the initiative and reach out to someone. Pray so that when God calls you to reach out, you can hear the call.
Matthew 20:28
For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Psalm 34:8
O taste and see that The Lord is good! Blessed is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him.
Thank you for all of you that cover us in prayer, that reach out in love, and those that help us financially. I am so grateful for your support and for beign a continual answer to our prayers.
One of our supporters offered to pay for Shane and I to go to a hotel for some marriage maintenance (just another way that God is using others to continue to support and help us). Here are a couple of pictues so you can see how amazingly beautiful Haiti is. Thank you my friend!
7am sunrise and coffee, my favorite.
The view from our room.
Seriously good food. :) Blessings abound!!!
Shane and his little umbrella. Silliness.
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